Get your values straight
At some time or other, every parent will have thought about how they can best balance a working life with raising a family. The basic need to put bread on the table and the desire to give your children a childhood they'll remember for all the best reasons.
For some, there is no debate. Many mums and dads have no option but to work full-time; others make a decision to be a stay-at home parent; others find some midway position. However you play it, it's vital that you get your values straight. It’s important that you're honest with yourself and those around you about your motivation for, or for not, working. If you have a partner, decide between you want you want to happen and how you can make it work. Do you really need the money, or just want it? How important to you is pursuing a career? How important to you is being at home with your children? How important is your current lifestyle? If you dodge the issues now, they'll only add stress and strain at a later date. So get to know yourself. Be honest about what you really want for you and your family and work from there.…
For some, there is no debate. Many mums and dads have no option but to work full-time; others make a decision to be a stay-at home parent; others find some midway position. However you play it, it's vital that you get your values straight. It’s important that you're honest with yourself and those around you about your motivation for, or for not, working. If you have a partner, decide between you want you want to happen and how you can make it work. Do you really need the money, or just want it? How important to you is pursuing a career? How important to you is being at home with your children? How important is your current lifestyle? If you dodge the issues now, they'll only add stress and strain at a later date. So get to know yourself. Be honest about what you really want for you and your family and work from there.…
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by DadsUnlimited on -
So how do you get your values straight? How do you begin constructing the ideal framework within which both your child and you can thrive? The answer? Take a look in the mirror.
Three ideas to follow this up:
1. Take an honest look at yourself
Honestly evaluate what's important to you, your child and, if you have one, your partner. Be honest about your priorities regarding your child, your career and your lifestyle.
If you find this difficult, try imagining that you were suddenly given £500 million pounds tax-free. Once you had done all the things that you wanted to do (like sailing round the world, etc. etc.) and you finally had to return to some sort of normality, how would you live your life?
Would you work full-time, part-time, or not at all? Would you and your partner work? Who would carry out the lion's share of childcare? Your answers may vary depending on the ages of your children.
If you're really honest with yourself, some of your answers might bring you up a bit short and cause you to do a bit of soul-searching, revisiting the values that you have acquired throughout your life. This is no bad thing - a child is a huge responsibility so you need to be serious about how you go about it.
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Permalink Reply by DadsUnlimited on
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Idea 2
2. Think: What Values Do You Want Your Child to Inherit?
Think about what values you've inherited from your own parents and others who've influenced you. Again, if you don't like the values that you display, it's time to ditch them and get some new ones. And just as importantly, think about which values you want to pass onto your kids. The chances are that they'll be things like kindness, generosity, patience, love, integrity - the kind of things that will make them good people to be around.
It's less likely to include the expectation of two holidays abroad per year and the desire for a new car every two years. The reason for saying this is that we can all too easily kid ourselves that we need to work hard to maintain a certain lifestyle for our children's benefits when, in reality, it is of little concern to them. Avoid the temptation of stamping your own materialistic expectations onto your kids. As one parent put it, 'it's no use working all the hours to take your kids away on a holiday if, in the meantime, your relationship is damaged to the extent that you don't have anything to talk about with them when you get there.'
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Permalink Reply by DadsUnlimited on
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Idea 3. Remember it's not just about paid work.
Although, for the most part, this site is about paid employment, the decisions about how you structure your life extend well beyond this. Any elements of your life that takes you away from your family for a considerable amount of time must be held in balance with their need to have you around. It could be anything - a sporting interest, a hobby, a network of friends, or a worthwhile cause. Whatever it is, keep an eye on how high a priority your family sits in comparison with it. If you know, deep down, that things are out of balance, it's time to make a change and get your values sorted out.
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