Recognise the tension
Every mum or dad who, whether by choice or necessity, has to balance work life with home life will readily identify the tension that exists as they try to do it. Just as you think you've got it sussed, the goalposts move.
So can you ever really find the balance? Well yes you can, but it will never be perfect and it's unlikely to be stress-free. There is no getting away from the fact that being a working parent is an emotional balancing act – whatever you do you’ll still feel twinges of guilt, worry and anxiety.
But there's good news! Taking a fresh look at the way that you approach the tension can be the first step to thriving on it. And acknowledging that it’s a juggling act can help you to be more realistic about what you will or won’t take on.
It could just be that you'll come to appreciate the tension as something which provides you with the opportunity to discover a different way of living.
So can you ever really find the balance? Well yes you can, but it will never be perfect and it's unlikely to be stress-free. There is no getting away from the fact that being a working parent is an emotional balancing act – whatever you do you’ll still feel twinges of guilt, worry and anxiety.
But there's good news! Taking a fresh look at the way that you approach the tension can be the first step to thriving on it. And acknowledging that it’s a juggling act can help you to be more realistic about what you will or won’t take on.
It could just be that you'll come to appreciate the tension as something which provides you with the opportunity to discover a different way of living.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by DadsUnlimited on -
Four ideas for making it happen:
1. Appreciate The Tension
It's important that we get to grips with the positive effects of the tension that we feel between work and home. A life without stress or pressure is no use to anyone. Stress, in the same way as pain, helps us to see when things need attention. For example, imagine that you're standing in the kitchen and casually lean back onto the hot hob. The pain you feel motivates you to take immediate, remedial action. If you felt no pain, the consequences could be disastrous.
The same applies to stress: while it motivates us to take action, it's a good thing.
The tension that we feel in striking the right work-life balance is important because it is exactly that which motivates us to do the best we can. The tension we feel is one which arises out of being a good parent - if you didn't love your kids, you wouldn't feel the tension. Welcome it as a healthy sign.
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Permalink Reply by DadsUnlimited on
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Idea 2. Get organised
Most of us are used to organising our working day with the precision of a military manoeuvre - appointments are made (and kept), deadlines are worked to and so on. We know that there will be a price to pay if we're inefficient. At home, though, it's a different matter - the price for inefficiency is far more intangible, but arguably much more long lasting. Never having the time to keep commitments at home only sends one message to your child - that they're simply not high enough on your list of priorities. The very fact that you're looking at this website means that this is just not true, but it may be more a matter of lack of organisation than lack of love.
Start organising your home life like you organise your work life. It needn't reach the levels of 'I've pencilled in your bedtime story for two weeks on Tuesday, OK?', but block out time in your diary when you're going to do nothing except be with your family. Build in a few gaps so that there's flexibility in your options - a time that is good for you may - for all sorts of reasons - be a really bad time for your child. If you work far enough ahead, and build in enough flexibility, no-one except you need ever know how organised you really are!
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Permalink Reply by DadsUnlimited on
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Idea 3. Start Pedalling. It's only as you do that you will find the balance
Think back to when you first learnt to ride a bike. The art was to start pedalling, because that was how you found your balance. You could have tried to get your balance right before moving off, but you'd have found yourself on the floor!
So much of being a parent is about getting going and then making adjustments as you move along. So start pedalling - if the tension becomes too much, admit it and make sure that you make an adjustment.
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Permalink Reply by DadsUnlimited on
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Idea 4. Be prepared to make mistakes, but pursue excellence.
Every dad comes with their L-plates firmly affixed - for life. We'll never get it completely sussed and we can be liberated by this knowledge. That said, although we know we'll never be perfect parents, we can be successful ones and pursue excellence in our parenthood. It may sound trite, but doing your best is all you can do. Expect mistakes - and don't be too hard on yourself when they happen - but learn from them and move on.
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